I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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