i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
