Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
