she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
