So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
