do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize