Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
4 words: hood of his car
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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