she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
