call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
