What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
