Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize