Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
