if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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