I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
