you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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