I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
