I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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