Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
