I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
