my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
