i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize