I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
