I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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