I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
