Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
