Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
