the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think I died a long time ago.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
