The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I enjoy the company of your penis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
