Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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