i think my mom watched the whole time
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
