did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
