Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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