how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
