Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
