2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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