I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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