I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
