I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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