If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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