Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
