I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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