Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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