She's JV to your varsity
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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