just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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