You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
