You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
