Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
