she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
