Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize