scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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