The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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