Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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