I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
