i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
