I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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