We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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