You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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