They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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