I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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