aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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