He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm really busy with my period
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