I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
