What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
