Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
