Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
