By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
