dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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