Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
