bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
