Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she looked like the before picture.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize