Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
