I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
