just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
