dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
