Pappa wants mamma naked
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
