apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
