In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
