I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
