Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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