I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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