i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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