like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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