someone threw a dead crab at me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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