so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
