Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
