Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
