A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
