Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
