I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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