People in love make me want to vomit
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I will pee on everything he values.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
