She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
