He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
