I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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