You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
