How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
