mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
