Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
