Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize