i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
