Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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