I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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