she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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