Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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