I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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