You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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