Screwed.edu
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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