i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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