4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
