Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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