Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
