So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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