she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
