Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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