According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
