No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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