3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
