My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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