I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
