I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
