Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
