just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
