It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
