my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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